a man lost in love's reflection

through the darkness of my mind, i search.

no compass.
no map.

walking through the valleys of souls
long entangled with their lovers.

this is not my resting place.

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when it comes to affection, i am unsure of my desires.

constantly lost on whether it is love i seek,
or proof that i am a worthy object of affection.

for each time man encounters an experience,
the more they search for what has yet to happen. 

and we long for it.
that ache beyond our organs.

and regardless of our faults.

egocentricity.
uncertainty.

we gaze into glazed glass,
probing for what morsel we can seize.

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i am but a man passing through rooms not my own.

watching.

is it the sensation of grazed skin?
the shiver gained from their gaze?
or thoughts of exploring another's mental landscape?

i apologize for i could not tell you.

because i search for a treasure.
unnamed and unmarked.
left forgotten and erased by gaia herself.

for how does one find what is not known?
that could be anywhere.
that could be anything.

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with love, i have always felt disconnected.

people would think that having it around would answer my inquiries.
but how can you question what you do not comprehend?

whether it be familial, platonic, or romantic.

the closest i have come to such a feeling
is my love for my mother.

however, even with her, i don't trust my emotions.

i wonder if i truly care about people or pretend to.

is it because it's expected of me?

i wonder if it's because
my selfishness.
my doubt.

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as i approach a mirrored hall, i see others.

standing.
staring.
content.

"this may be it" i think.

so i gaze into the glass and there it is.
so close but blurred beyond comprehension.
this is not my mirror.

════•●•════

the sham is visible to my potential partners.

i anticipate a shock.
a conductor for your electric affections.

but it's not there.

what am i looking for?
how long will i scour?

════•●•════

venturing into the forest, i sigh.

i don't know where I'm going or what i seek.

still without map or compass.

only brief glimpses of what may be.

but continue on, i will.
now and until i find what i pursue.

for i am a man.....lost in love's reflection.